Having a baby shower for a first baby is a standard event, and it’s often a delight for new moms and a significant help when she's trying to gather all the things that she needs to prepare for the coming of baby. There’s significant debate on whether it is polite to have one for a second baby, and certainly, etiquette dictates that the woman or her close family members should not throw the shower. Most often, unless only family is invited to the shower, a friend should be in charge of hosting so that the “family” does not seem necessitous or greedy. Some people balk at the throwing of a shower for a second baby, or third or fourth, and claim that it is really for new moms only.
Many people suggest that throwing a baby shower for a second baby is fine under any circumstances. Others say that a second baby of a different gender than the first baby deserves a shower. Another argument for a second shower can be made when considerable time has lapsed between baby #1 and baby #2.
Some people advocate throwing a “mommy” shower for a woman expecting a second child. Instead of bringing gifts to the baby, gifts are given to the mother because it’s recognized that carrying and giving birth to a child may entitle a woman to a certain amount of pampering and relaxation. Additionally, a woman may already have most of the things she needs for a second baby but could really benefit from something pretty to wear or a gift certificate for a massage.
For those completely opposed to a second shower, there are several polite ways to respond. The individual can decline the invitation to attend, and/or send a small token gift. Someone who does not attend should not feel obligated to send a gift, though most moms will still require things for a second baby.
Many baby clothes and things can be hand-me-downs from the first child, but safety regulations may have changed and new items like cribs or car seats may be needed. Moms with a second baby on the way may be out of the basics, like socks, blankets, t-shirts, or need things like diaper service. No one is obligated to attend or give gifts to the woman with a second child on the way, however; it’s merely a nice thing to do.
If a person is still unsure whether to hold a shower for a second baby, or to gently press her friends to hold one for her, she might want to get a feel for how her friends or family relate to this issue. If most of them have had baby showers for second babies, then she can be pretty sure few will be offended if she have one. Many family members, too, are happy to gain new members to their family and want the opportunity to celebrate the coming of the new baby, be it first, second, or even third or fourth.