What are the Best Tips for Male Victims of Domestic Violence?

Jacob Queen

According to experts, one of the best tips for male victims of domestic violence is to not get caught up in the machismo surrounding the issue. A violent assault on a man in a relationship is just as illegal as an assault on a woman, and men who suffer abuse have the right to the same kinds of protections. Another important tip is for the man to avoid being drawn into the violence himself, because this can easily backfire in a legal sense, even if it was self-defense. It’s also generally important to visit a hospital and get some kind of documentation of any injuries for future use in legal proceedings. If the man is having psychological problems after being assaulted, he may benefit from taking advantage of counseling or a support group.

Many male victims of domestic violence are too embarrassed to admit a problem.
Many male victims of domestic violence are too embarrassed to admit a problem.

Many male victims of domestic violence are too embarrassed to do anything about it. They will often allow the abuse to continue without responding in any way simply because they are afraid to admit that it is happening to them. Many of them are also afraid that if they try to respond, their spouse will be given the benefit of the doubt by the police and other legal authorities. Fathers who are victims of domestic violence are often particularly concerned in these situations because they fear their partner will easily win a custody battle. This fear is often justified, which is why it’s generally important to get documentation of abuses, including photographs and any other corroboration that can be obtained.

An estimated 15% of men in homosexual relationships have been victims of domestic violence.
An estimated 15% of men in homosexual relationships have been victims of domestic violence.

It is usually advised that male victims of domestic violence avoid responding physically to any assault, especially if it involves a heterosexual relationship. Some people would describe that as a double standard, but generally speaking, there is a good chance that any retaliation by a man against a woman will be seen unfavorably in a legal battle. Most experts suggest that the man should lock himself in a room or find some other non-violent way to extricate himself from the situation until authorities can arrive.

Psychological problems often develop for male victims of domestic violence. Sometimes they may feel like they can’t even talk to anybody about their situation, or they may think that there is nobody else out there with a similar experience. In these cases, support groups can be helpful. Some male victims of domestic violence may also have problems with intimacy in future relationships and other emotional issues. In those cases, they may benefit from professional counseling.

Most reported domestic violence incidents involve female victims, making statistics on male victims extremely difficult to obtain, as they are less likely to come forward.
Most reported domestic violence incidents involve female victims, making statistics on male victims extremely difficult to obtain, as they are less likely to come forward.

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Discussion Comments


@matthewc23 - In a lot of cases where someone thinks that they may become a victim of abuse, they are encouraged to have a safety plan in place. A safety plan for domestic violence victims might include everything from where in the house they can protect themselves, how they will document their injuries, and where can spend the night if needed. For a family with kids, it is extremely important to include them in the plan so they know what to do, as well.

I think one of the most overlooked things in this situation is long term effects with children and domestic violence. It is important for the person getting abused to seek help and the abuser to be punished if they have committed a crime. Like the article mentions, though, it may still be difficult for a father to get custody of the kids even if that is the best route.


@ - I know where I live, I see things every now and then in the paper or various places about domestic violence victims meeting groups. I don't know anyone who has been associated with domestic violence, but I would be interested to know what types of things they talk about and how someone overcomes their problems with domestic violence.

You are probably right about smaller towns, though. There are fewer people in general who have been victimized, plus in these areas it is probably less common for cases to be reported, since people are afraid of their neighbors finding out about the abuse.


Does anyone have any ideas of male victims of domestic violence statistics? I would be interested to see what percentage of filed claims are male victims compared to the number that don't get reported. I am willing to guess there are a lot of cases that no one ever hears about for the reasons mentioned in the article.

If you are a victim of domestic violence and abuse, how should you go about getting help? Are there well publicized groups in most towns, or do you kind of have to ask around for them? It seems like it would be kind of hard to find a support group if you lived in a small town or rural area. In those cases, you might just have to have counseling.


I think it is unfortunate that we have set the standard that every time a woman claims a man hit her, she must be telling the truth, but if a man claims the same thing, he must be lying or covering something up.

That isn't to say that men aren't much more common to abuse a female than the opposite happening, but if it does happen, it needs to be taken seriously. Like the article mentions, there can still be psychological damage, and that lasts a lot longer than any cuts or bruises.

Besides that, people need to think about the cycle of domestic violence, too. Even if it is a wife who is hitting the husband, children can still see this and grow up thinking it is okay.


@Perdido – It's good that you never fight back. Do you know how hard it is to control the urge to fight against what's attacking you? I do, and unlike you, I caved to the temptation.

My wife was slapping me and getting up in my face while yelling. I was getting really angry, and finally, I snapped. I grabbed her and started shaking her. Then, I slapped her back.

I had grabbed her arms so hard that I left bruises. The slap left a big hand print on her cheeks as well.

She immediately cried domestic abuse. Even though she beat me first, I got prison time. It seems totally unfair. I never would have been violent toward her if she hadn't provoked me.


@shell4life – Your comment really made me think. My wife frequently loses her temper and beats me. Sometimes, she throws sharp things at me. I haven't gone to the cops, because I was afraid they wouldn't believe me.

Now, I think that I should go the next time she leaves bruises or scars on my body. I didn't realize until reading this article that I should go to the hospital first. I think that would make it easier to prove my case.

Maybe if I get a doctor to say that I was assaulted, the cops will believe me. When they go to my house and see that she doesn't have a scratch on her, then perhaps that will help as well. I never fight back, because I don't want to give her ammunition to use against me.


When a man grows up in a household with an abusive father, people naturally assume that he will end up abusing his wife someday. They think that a woman who is raised by abusive parents will simply turn out to be shy and afraid of men. They don't realize that some women who were abused as children grow up to become physically violent toward the men they love.

One of my childhood friends was abused by her father. She often tried to fight back, but of course, she lost the battle. She hated him and the way he treated her, and I'm sure she never thought she would one day exhibit this behavior toward her spouse.

Unfortunately, she had so much pent-up rage inside of her that she did beat her husband. He just took it, because he was afraid of what cops and his friends would think of him for seeking help for this. She wound up killing him in a rage with a butcher knife.

If he had only overcome his insecurities and had her arrested, he would still be alive today. Guys need to realize that even abuse from a person who is weaker than them can turn fatal before they know it.


I started dating a divorced man whose ex-wife had abused him. She had hit him with frying pans, sliced him with knives, and scalded him with hot water. That last one was enough to make him go to the hospital and call the police, as well as file for divorce.

He put up with the abuse for months, because he was strong enough to hold her off unless she caught him unaware. He got really tired of always having to watch his back, though. He was afraid to sleep in the same bed with her, because he thought she might do something to him during the night.

He does have emotional scars because of this. Once, I punched him in the arm playfully, and he recoiled and threw his hands up in defense. I can't even joke around with him about fighting, because to him it is serious business.

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